I hate you.
I want to hate you.
I poured 3 and a half years of unconditional love into you, only to have you turn around and gift the loved/healed version of yourself to someone just like me but significantly not me.
And I don’t understand how I could still love you after everything you’ve done to me.
Hearing that you want to introduce her to our mutual friends makes me sick.
How could you demonstrate pride in her when you couldn’t bring yourself to show pride in me. Was I that garbage? Was I such human trash that you didn’t ever want to acknowledge your feelings for me? I gave you everything and asked for hardly anything in return. What was so wrong with me that I was never granted your pride? What is so right with her? Was she just fortunate enough to come after me? I feel so used.
I hate you. You’re so incredibly selfish and self-serving. You didn’t think twice about hurting me if it meant you felt safe. It was immature and disgusting but I made excuses for you.
I continue to make excuses for you and it makes me hate myself. How could I value myself so little?
But still. I love you.
Unconditionally, it seems.
And I’m just waiting until I stop. 1 year and 7 months and counting.